Eureka !

"i have found you! i have found you!
the thought alone excites me
to know you exist in this part of the world
is a thought so amazing, divine
we breathe the same air, sleep under same stars
that is why, I had always felt you near
We may never touch base
but i know that you live, oh god, you're alive!
in this lifetime with me, on the same planet
similar time zones, only three hours away.
how precious you are, how beautiful
that i almost couldn't recognise you
but to meet you again, to be with you,
is an incredible feeling, one that surpasses
all the happiness i have known.
how i love you! adore you!
i feel like exploding
inside my heart's core
can i keep you, could i lose you?
it doesn't matter anymore.
you are alive, alive! and you are here".

susanloone, 6.34 pm, Jul 5, 2011, Penang.

Speak!

In times of great oppression
I must never keep silent
For silence is surely consent
A YES! to persecute violate
An OK! to abuse and lies.

Speak my people, speak!
Let your voices fill each home
Each street
Let the shouts of freedom
Resonate
Leave no nook or corner
stone or stick
Unturned.

In times of great suppression
Gloom
Your silence will only spell doom
Fear not!
Bring out the drums
Ring the bells
Let the cymbals clash

In times of great distress
Empower, yes!
Freedom of the press

Cry, sing, dance!
Let a billion heartbeats
Pound!

Together, let's scream!
Cruel creature!
Ugly beast!
Your time is up!
It's over!
Now BEGONE!

Note:
At the time of writing this, I am saddened that Bersih organisers are again called into submission. The rally on Jul 9 may be called off, but will our hearts stop beating?

Susan Loone, Penang, 3.45am, JUL 5.

Awake & fight!

Darkness has descended upon our nation
sadness has overwhelmed our hearts
madness has seized the minds of our leaders
it's time to wake up & fight.
Empty the closets of apathy
bring forth the weapons of courage
gather all ye soldiers of peace
arise for the monster is nigh!

Awake! tarry no more!
fight with all your might
till the last of your spirit and breath
blow over all evil and harm
Flow! flow! the blood of righteousness flow
Awash this misery and sins
may our blood become the mighty floods
drowning, drowning the unjust!

my people, the time for slumber is over
wake up! go forth! carry the banner of justice!
march! fill the streets with the colors
of the bright brialliant sun
for victory is nigh.
for victory is ours!
tarry no more!

penang, Jul 3, 2011.

Note: The manner in which Prime Minister Najib Razak has handled the Bersih 2.0 issue has deeply angered me. Initially, I was not too keen on Bersih, too. The idea of asking the king to intervene in a democratic process for and by the people (elections) to me was rather a backward kind of thinking. The color yellow itself connotes and represents feelings and situations such as "slavery, submission, fear and cowardise". However, in the face of extreme injustice - the police crackdown on anything remotely Bersih - makes me take a stand. We must not be neutral in the face of cruelty or else we would be siding with the Oppressor. Hence this poem, and the need for the fighting spirit to take flight.


Now the king has asked all sides to “lay down arms”. His Majesty has somehow ticked off Najib and his administration for the handling of the matter. Even if Bersih calls off its march on July 9, it would still have claimed moral victory. Najib, shame on you. Only a weak leader would resort to such monstrous responses to citizens merely excercising their rights in the country’s Constitution.

Najib appears to want to be even on top of the highest law of the land. The police, with salaries paid by citizens, have taken the side of the Oppressor. It does not bode well at all for our nation. The arrests of PSM Sungai Siput MP D Jeyakumar and others under the Emergency Ordinance for causing public disorder is madness.

I am optimistic though that justice would prevail. In history all dictators will succumb to people’s power. Sacrifices have to be made but at the end of the day, the power, warmth and the sting of the rising sun would blot out all evil. Be ready for the day, my friends. Because the time is near.

Karma.

You've come to me again.
And I, having not learnt my lesson,
Embraced you with all my heart.
We've met in different worlds
You came with different names

Tell me, are you stalking me,
or could it be that I simply cannot escape you?

Time passes and lapses
gone are a thousand faces.
Yet I have found you in the oddest of places.

How can I explain the feeling
of having met you before,
of having loved you to death
and suffered in your hands?

This history, unwritten, between us
is a history of passion and pain
A feeling that leaves me with unhealable scars
unforgetful memories,
reflections that marred my skins.

Is that why you have failed to recognise me now?

Yet you are bend on stealing my soul.
Dear God, let me drink from the water of forgetfulness
So I may recognise you no more.


Note: from Wikipedia.
Some ancient Greeks believed that souls were made to drink from the river before being reincarnated, so they would not remember their past lives.

Art: 'Lovers' by Susan Loone (2001).

Sky.

Is this a vision of things to come?
Waves of fire
Raging in the sky?

Is this the climate change
Everyone fears
Yet know not what to do
But whine?

Or is this just my mind
Warning me
To wake up early
Touch the sky
Smell the roses
Say 'I love you'
Eat, dance, breathe...

Before the earth catches fire.

* Image is a photo of Bangkok City at dawn.

Invoking May 13.

40 trips around the sun
Is the earth ready to forgive thy sins?

Must we invoke thy deadly name
over and over and over again?
like a spinning wheel
will it ever stop?
generations come, they leave
yet thy cruelty remains intact

Must we invoke thy bloody name
when all that comes to mind are these:
massacre. blood. tears.
anger. rage. death.
keris. umno. tun razak. nep?

Is it time yet to bury thee
within the dungeons of our minds
Shall we throw away the keys
to the door that opens a thousand wounds

Or should we always keep them open?
its sight to remind us all
there’s a limit to human patience
that amidst a borderless world
are boundaries to tolerance

Thy face is but a blur and yet
40 years and still thy name
taste like bitter portion on our tongues.

May 13, 2009, Bangkok.

Revolutions never die

(image)


(in memory of all the women and men who fought for our Independence)

Souls may rest in peace
but revolutions go on
they trickle into our blood streams
invade every organ
creep into our minds
sowing seeds of doubts
its roots growing inwards
to reach a generation...


Just as the forests grow quietly
calling its dead,
calling its living
a thousand questions
continue to haunt
A million souls cry
never forsake!
never abandon!
this quest for freedom!

You can hear them sing:

"I laid down my life for you
I let my blood trickle
I let it soak the earth
So your rivers may never go dry

"Guns exploded in my heart
Riffles shattered my dreams
To give you Independence
To give you reality".

"You may wipe out history
You may burn its memories
You may bury us
At the altars
Of your Twin Towers"

"Yet
My bones
remain fresh
Your children
Remember my name".

Indeed
souls may rest in peace
revolutions may sleep
but they never die.

Narathiwat, Thailand
29 oct 2006

Where do you come from?

(image)

Must they always ask me where I come from?
I do not give answers
For my tongue like wounded snakes
Is tangled
inside these wiry barbs

What use is it, I ask, this is a camp of thieves
They have stolen my life
my freedom
But want to know the origin of man?

I come from Ethiopia, China, Greece, I want to say
Show me a map, and I will show you my home
But oh, they will cut my veins
And suck them, like wolves, under the moon

[It doesnt pay to be an Einstein here]

You read history books, eh, they smirk?
Poking me with the phallus ends of their riffles
What is the point of arguing?
that my language is far more superior than theirs?
that the color of my skin is by far the fairest of all?

Didn't you come from blood, too, I want to ask?
Like me, you too were flushed from your mother's womb
Streaks of red blanket you as you wail
For red is the color of blood, of genes, and DNAs
Does it matter if you are white, yellow or blue?

Ask not where I come from, you swine
There is only one way to enter this earth
Have you forgotten what it was like to crawl
out of your mother's thighs?

A knock on my head and the floor is my ocean
Must you always ask where do I plan to go?
Inside these walls, can I even breathe?
Which direction, you shout
Oh, I am always at the cross roads, I cry
left or right, what if I make a wrong turn?

Wherever you turn, my little friend
He finds you
He waits with bullets in his eyes
You see your name flash at the signpost
He's waited a lifetime for you
You can't even run nor hide
You can try to cheat him
But he finds out
He forgives and takes you back
No lover is more faithful.

26 April 2009, Bkk, wireless road, 7.31pm.

Poem about an absent lover

The moment you walk out that door
I run to collect my things

And you would think, I'd be tagging along
But, no...no sir

I've booked a single ticket to nowhere

Destination: To explore the depths of my ocean
To cross the length of my space
in a life time

In this emptiness you leave me, it's time I discover
The very essence of who I am

If I had always tagged along with you
I would have found my journey hampered

These thighs would grow fat and heavy
You will lead me by the hands, blind folded

I’d be following signposts
You'd be steering the wheel

All my heart's desires
Would be stucked in traffic jams

I would have ended up a complete fool,
lazy, unimaginative, uninspired.
complacent. perhaps satisfied.

I would have ended up loving you to death,
but hating myself.

Now I've come to like this distance
These absences you leave me
Are precious gems

For there is life beyond you
Love beyond me
Dreams that give me wings,
Thoughts that make my heart take flight

Does it really matter
If I fly with you or without you?

We are after all, one soul in two bodies
One spirit, caught between worlds...

What if
You never come home,you ask?

I say:
But I am home.

23 April 2009, wireless road, bangkok, 2.37am.

The ultimate love poem

I embraced you
Like I would a new religion
My faith in you grew like an unperturbed mountain
There were times when I tossed around
like a ship in a turbulent storm
yet I clung to the sails of your arms
Believing, like God, you would save me

Who would have thought despite our closeness
I could lose you
Until I cannot see you or smell you or even talk to you.
Your image appears to me like a monument
It is there but it is not alive.
Unwilling to be deceived, I look for your shadow
To see if I am blocking you from the sun
But all I can see is a pattern of myself
And you are not there

I tried to find excuses for your disappearance
I lied to myself that perhaps,
Being soulmates
You had slipped under my skin;
became my sweat along with my blood
So I rubbed my hands to see if you would appear.
I thought I had been cruel,
perhaps greedy and selfish
That while breathing unconsciously
I inhaled you from the air
I tried to spit you out from my mouth
I wanted to feel you and taste you again
but I could not
Not ever could I regain consciousness of your presence
All my attempts to resurrect you,
re-enact you in my life failed miserably

I forgot that you are merely human,
not an angel
You are not God
neither are you a spirit.

That being human, you could have died.
That you could have left, without saying goodbye.

For Isham

(image of painting at Hishamuddin Rais' BBC Cafe in Pasar Seni, Kuala Lumpur)

When he was ISA detainee in 2001.

"Your name is freedom but they tear your wings
And keep you captive in a golden cage;
they hide your radiance under a table
and drown your fragrance with their sweat
Why do they need to leash you
when you will not harm them?
Though they chain you with fury,
and dictate your every move,
your consciousness could never be curtailed...."

II

“It is not fair that I should be here and you
- behind those cold prison bars
It is not right that I should be free
to feel the sun glare in my face
the wind wild in my hair
the rain soaked on my skin
but you - alone behind those iron curtains
can feel nothing.
If you could fly or walk
without your hands being cuffed
you would be on the streets
you would sing your songs
you would write about freedom
you would tear down these walls
of injustice
you will silence the terror
with your bare hands
you would build a new world.
But I, being free, do not know
what to do
do not know if indeed
I am free.
Let me take your place
behind those iron bars
let me pay the price
for you behind those prison walls
let me be the one
to languish in this darkness
for unlike you,
I do not know
what to do with this freedom"

Susan Loone, Bangsar (May 15)

Balochistan

"a hand woven dopata from baluchistan

a fine piece of cloth, from dera bugti

where a civil war between the military and freedom fighters

continue to claim lives (www.balochvoice.com)

i had chosen this cloth among so many others drapped before me

i had felt the sufferings of the womenfolk

who usually take months to sew a piece of artwork like this

which makes me think how fortunate i am to be me

how lucky i am to be always safe and sound

not ever knowing what it feels like to have a bomb

explode in your backyard

and see the remnants of your children scatter around you ..."

Angel.

Image from www.illusionsgallery.com

Beyond the Garden of Eden
In a world of
Wandering souls
You were an angel
But your tender wings
Were struck one night
By chunks
Of falling star dust
You plunged into earth
Poor angel
I caught you in my arms
Took you home
And nursed you back to flight
Then underneath dark blankets of night
You would watch over me.


I summoned God one day
In silent prayer
I beseech
I wished to give you
My woman's love
My woman's kiss
But God will never grant
Sweet angels
To deign with human beings.


I cried silent tears
Feared my own delusions
To know I cannot have you.


I still see you
From afar
In one corner of the sky
Radiating light
Your wings gently guiding
Wandering souls
Into their heavenly abode.


I am still wandering
Waiting for the time
When God will set you forth
Upon this earth
As human
To save lost souls
like mine.

Voyage.

Image from allposters.com

I shall not fight the tides that go against me
I shall ride along with the rushing waves
I shall let the whirlpool swallow me from under my feet
I shall be swept by the currents in the midst of the sea
I shall set my sail to follow the wind
I shall not anchor till this voyage is done
When the sun sets far beyond the horizons
And seagulls fly south
I shall drift unto shore
For there alone is my home.

Country.

Great image from Grom Airiss.

I have only one life
One body
To give to my country
I have many sighs
Many dreams
To share with my family
There are endless
Hills
Rivers and forest
To seek
With my loved ones
I have poems
And hymns to sing for
Independence

If we could live through this life
Not knowing about justice
If we could walk through this earth
Not knowing about freedom
Then may this ground
Under our feet
Open up
And pull us in
May the sands, the rocks
Mountains
And seas
Avalanche
And bury us.

Ethereal.

Image from here.

Love is warm, ethereal
With you as my sun
Centre of cosmos
Your planets wander graciously into
My celestial spheres
Come bathe with me beneath
Meteoric showers
Dare with me these nightly revolutions
Of flying comets, lets dance between
Wavering brightness of moon and stars
When you plunge into dark voids
Of eternity, I will be there to catch you
Love is beautiful, eternal
With you as my earth
Time has no history
And space
Has no Walls.

Tsunami.

image from homepage.mac


Do not resist me
i am the tides of change
come to sweep over you
i am the rebel
of your ancient thoughts
i am the earthquake
eager to tear
the iron shrouds
around your frightened heart
swim in me
i am the cruel sea
you will drown
within the whirlpools
of your ignorance
catch me then
within the cyclones
of my arrogrance
i am the voice
always taunting
your stubborn myths
that you may transverse
the boundaries
of your consciousness
and free yourself
from the prisons
of your stereotypes
do not resist me
for i am you
and i am within you
if you turn me away
truth will come naked
in the night
when you ride on a train
off to the dark ages
of your death…

*Previously published as winds of change.

Suicide.

Image from suicide.

Why can't I treat this like poetry? Just take a razor blade between my fingers and slash it across my wrist;Watch blood gush like a stream of red wine down my arms; Can you tell the difference between the smell of fresh blood from cheap perfume?

Why can't I treat this like any other activity?

I could throw myself off a cliff while whistling;
I could jump off the bridge, laughing in the nude;
I could dance across a busy street while the traffic lights turn green;
I could drink poison, pretend it tastes like honey.
I could drive my car blind-folded as if I am riding a plane
I could speed around a dangerous curve and crash into a tree.

Why can't I treat this like religion?

I could light candles and burn incense at the altar
Recite the rosary a million times backwards, swear upon the bible
I could even emulate Jesus by walking bare-footed on water
I could climb the railings of an eighteenth floor apartment balcony

And step out into thin air.

Merdeka!

Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!
Adpakah ia hanya retorik?
Bangsa Malaysia, hanya mimpi
Sekiranya esok kamu pulang ke UMNO
ke MCA, GERAKAN
MIC kepalang
Sekiranya esok UMNO masih menjajah
Racisme masih menjalar
Korupsi tetap megah
Mungkin Merdeka hanya di bendera?
Atau di bibir politik yang berdarah
Sekiranya esok, kuil dan kampung
Masih dibakar, di roboh
ISA masih menghantu
Mahasiswa masih di kongkong
Kebebasan suara
Tetap berkubur
Sekiranya esok
Keadilan masih dijual beli
Maka Merdeka hanyalah kartun
Dan kami si-bodoh tetap dijajah!

Homeless.

Image from hwupdate.org

"With an earth like this, who needs hell...?"

These days they attack me
even in my home
why then do they say:
‘there is no place like home?’
i am robbed in my playground
raped in my school,
bombed in cinemas
bus stations
flea markets
and shopping malls
i am the target
no matter who i am
is there a safe place for me to play?
please show me the way

i need refuge
yet no place on earth is safe
your government says I can stay for awhile
yet I am harassed
manhandled
embarrassed
in your airports

i may work for your people
yet I can be whipped
if my boss does not have my papers
from a human being
with dignity
i am reduced to an animal
they call 'the undocumented’

how can you call this place earth
for me it’s a big battle field
sometimes there are no guns
but too often i am killed
not by bullets
but ignorance
by hatred
discrimination
racism
inhumanity
pride

sometimes it depends on which side you’re on
take sides they say
as the ones without sides are the ones hurt the most

so I took sides
and it seems there is no difference
except for the battle of egos

with an earth like this
who needs hell?
no one speaks anymore
all want to play safe
but to play safe for you
is to put me in danger
yet why shoud you care?
thinking of others is not compulsory
these days, such attitudes
are as scarce as the land we all seek
as elusive as the word ‘peace’

previously published in free woman.