Jul 9.

Dedicated to the late Baharuddin Ahmad, a protester who died of a heart attack after being chased by police at the Kuala Lumpur City Centre. He was chased because he was part of the Bersih 2.0 rally on Jul 9. My heartfelt sympathies to his family, especially his wife, Rusni Melan from Setiawangsa. Though I may never know him, may his soul rest in peace.

I sacrificed my weekend
for the mere fantasy
of tasting
democracy
Instead of meeting
justice
I encountered mayhem

I wish I had the gift
of disappearing
when you rained tear-gas
on me
Instead of gifts
for my bravery
You fired me with cannisters
and whipped me
when I ran
Thank God
the sky open-up
and poured its mercy
on me
I took shelter in a hospital
I thought you would retreat
And still you came for me.

You chased me like a dog
You dragged me across the streets
as if I was a criminal
You kicked me
pulled my shirt
You could have asked me:
Why I'm here
I would have told you.
I would have cried
I am one of you
Wounded
Sick
to see my country .
in such
a sorry shape.

But you were too intent
on hurting me
You could have moved away
when I was coming
You could have been my guide
to a refuge
safe and free from tears

But like an unbridled
force
Angry and insane
I was pulled
into a never ending journey
in which you stood.

Bold and arrogant
flanked by trucks and water cannons
every creature
that walked the street
that day
had to shy or run away.

You should have looked away
You being human
Would one day come to need
This freedom, too.

Or did you think
that it is I
who should have fled at once?

If you had left
You could have halted
a major warfare
and gave this country
a fragrant name

But orders came
from one above
So you stayed.
You lingered.
stalled
And waited with bated breath.

You let me come quite hopefully
Infront of you

And then, you unleashed your terror.

Susan Loone, Penang, Jul 10, 2011, 2.43pm.