For Isham

(image of painting at Hishamuddin Rais' BBC Cafe in Pasar Seni, Kuala Lumpur)

When he was ISA detainee in 2001.

"Your name is freedom but they tear your wings
And keep you captive in a golden cage;
they hide your radiance under a table
and drown your fragrance with their sweat
Why do they need to leash you
when you will not harm them?
Though they chain you with fury,
and dictate your every move,
your consciousness could never be curtailed...."

II

“It is not fair that I should be here and you
- behind those cold prison bars
It is not right that I should be free
to feel the sun glare in my face
the wind wild in my hair
the rain soaked on my skin
but you - alone behind those iron curtains
can feel nothing.
If you could fly or walk
without your hands being cuffed
you would be on the streets
you would sing your songs
you would write about freedom
you would tear down these walls
of injustice
you will silence the terror
with your bare hands
you would build a new world.
But I, being free, do not know
what to do
do not know if indeed
I am free.
Let me take your place
behind those iron bars
let me pay the price
for you behind those prison walls
let me be the one
to languish in this darkness
for unlike you,
I do not know
what to do with this freedom"

Susan Loone, Bangsar (May 15)

Balochistan

"a hand woven dopata from baluchistan

a fine piece of cloth, from dera bugti

where a civil war between the military and freedom fighters

continue to claim lives (www.balochvoice.com)

i had chosen this cloth among so many others drapped before me

i had felt the sufferings of the womenfolk

who usually take months to sew a piece of artwork like this

which makes me think how fortunate i am to be me

how lucky i am to be always safe and sound

not ever knowing what it feels like to have a bomb

explode in your backyard

and see the remnants of your children scatter around you ..."

Angel.

Image from www.illusionsgallery.com

Beyond the Garden of Eden
In a world of
Wandering souls
You were an angel
But your tender wings
Were struck one night
By chunks
Of falling star dust
You plunged into earth
Poor angel
I caught you in my arms
Took you home
And nursed you back to flight
Then underneath dark blankets of night
You would watch over me.


I summoned God one day
In silent prayer
I beseech
I wished to give you
My woman's love
My woman's kiss
But God will never grant
Sweet angels
To deign with human beings.


I cried silent tears
Feared my own delusions
To know I cannot have you.


I still see you
From afar
In one corner of the sky
Radiating light
Your wings gently guiding
Wandering souls
Into their heavenly abode.


I am still wandering
Waiting for the time
When God will set you forth
Upon this earth
As human
To save lost souls
like mine.

Voyage.

Image from allposters.com

I shall not fight the tides that go against me
I shall ride along with the rushing waves
I shall let the whirlpool swallow me from under my feet
I shall be swept by the currents in the midst of the sea
I shall set my sail to follow the wind
I shall not anchor till this voyage is done
When the sun sets far beyond the horizons
And seagulls fly south
I shall drift unto shore
For there alone is my home.

Country.

Great image from Grom Airiss.

I have only one life
One body
To give to my country
I have many sighs
Many dreams
To share with my family
There are endless
Hills
Rivers and forest
To seek
With my loved ones
I have poems
And hymns to sing for
Independence

If we could live through this life
Not knowing about justice
If we could walk through this earth
Not knowing about freedom
Then may this ground
Under our feet
Open up
And pull us in
May the sands, the rocks
Mountains
And seas
Avalanche
And bury us.

Ethereal.

Image from here.

Love is warm, ethereal
With you as my sun
Centre of cosmos
Your planets wander graciously into
My celestial spheres
Come bathe with me beneath
Meteoric showers
Dare with me these nightly revolutions
Of flying comets, lets dance between
Wavering brightness of moon and stars
When you plunge into dark voids
Of eternity, I will be there to catch you
Love is beautiful, eternal
With you as my earth
Time has no history
And space
Has no Walls.

Tsunami.

image from homepage.mac


Do not resist me
i am the tides of change
come to sweep over you
i am the rebel
of your ancient thoughts
i am the earthquake
eager to tear
the iron shrouds
around your frightened heart
swim in me
i am the cruel sea
you will drown
within the whirlpools
of your ignorance
catch me then
within the cyclones
of my arrogrance
i am the voice
always taunting
your stubborn myths
that you may transverse
the boundaries
of your consciousness
and free yourself
from the prisons
of your stereotypes
do not resist me
for i am you
and i am within you
if you turn me away
truth will come naked
in the night
when you ride on a train
off to the dark ages
of your death…

*Previously published as winds of change.

Suicide.

Image from suicide.

Why can't I treat this like poetry? Just take a razor blade between my fingers and slash it across my wrist;Watch blood gush like a stream of red wine down my arms; Can you tell the difference between the smell of fresh blood from cheap perfume?

Why can't I treat this like any other activity?

I could throw myself off a cliff while whistling;
I could jump off the bridge, laughing in the nude;
I could dance across a busy street while the traffic lights turn green;
I could drink poison, pretend it tastes like honey.
I could drive my car blind-folded as if I am riding a plane
I could speed around a dangerous curve and crash into a tree.

Why can't I treat this like religion?

I could light candles and burn incense at the altar
Recite the rosary a million times backwards, swear upon the bible
I could even emulate Jesus by walking bare-footed on water
I could climb the railings of an eighteenth floor apartment balcony

And step out into thin air.

Merdeka!

Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!
Adpakah ia hanya retorik?
Bangsa Malaysia, hanya mimpi
Sekiranya esok kamu pulang ke UMNO
ke MCA, GERAKAN
MIC kepalang
Sekiranya esok UMNO masih menjajah
Racisme masih menjalar
Korupsi tetap megah
Mungkin Merdeka hanya di bendera?
Atau di bibir politik yang berdarah
Sekiranya esok, kuil dan kampung
Masih dibakar, di roboh
ISA masih menghantu
Mahasiswa masih di kongkong
Kebebasan suara
Tetap berkubur
Sekiranya esok
Keadilan masih dijual beli
Maka Merdeka hanyalah kartun
Dan kami si-bodoh tetap dijajah!

Homeless.

Image from hwupdate.org

"With an earth like this, who needs hell...?"

These days they attack me
even in my home
why then do they say:
‘there is no place like home?’
i am robbed in my playground
raped in my school,
bombed in cinemas
bus stations
flea markets
and shopping malls
i am the target
no matter who i am
is there a safe place for me to play?
please show me the way

i need refuge
yet no place on earth is safe
your government says I can stay for awhile
yet I am harassed
manhandled
embarrassed
in your airports

i may work for your people
yet I can be whipped
if my boss does not have my papers
from a human being
with dignity
i am reduced to an animal
they call 'the undocumented’

how can you call this place earth
for me it’s a big battle field
sometimes there are no guns
but too often i am killed
not by bullets
but ignorance
by hatred
discrimination
racism
inhumanity
pride

sometimes it depends on which side you’re on
take sides they say
as the ones without sides are the ones hurt the most

so I took sides
and it seems there is no difference
except for the battle of egos

with an earth like this
who needs hell?
no one speaks anymore
all want to play safe
but to play safe for you
is to put me in danger
yet why shoud you care?
thinking of others is not compulsory
these days, such attitudes
are as scarce as the land we all seek
as elusive as the word ‘peace’

previously published in free woman.

Dawn.

Image from capetownskies

In the misty curtains of dawn
My soul stirs

Escaping a yawn

Wind blown images
Fade from a twilight screen

I weep

Over the death
Of my dreams.

Prostitute.

Image from biblepicturegallery.com

If my only mission
On this earth
Is to warm the
Bodies of men
Then let this fire
Consume me
Burn my bones
Afterwards
Throw my ashes
Into the river
Of slumps
Let the history
Of men
Judge my deeds.

Galaxy.

Image from cbc.ca

Waves rush like
Colours
In the universe of mind
Sandy shores stretch the length
Of thoughts like
Endless void in the
Space of time
Earthly perfume appeals
A kaleidoscope
Of passions
In the galaxy of hearts
The moon spins
Deosil
On its axis
And stars waver
A million light years away
Planets still wander
Mysteriously
In their orbits
Asteroids still collide
On terrestrial paths
Like men at war
And we wonder:
Does God really exist?

Witch.

Image from geocities.com

A communion of souls
Took place between
A holy man
And impious woman
In a painter's dream
Two fires fused
Into one body
One blood
This dish was
Relished in a banquet
Of lust
The painter begun to paint
Two images of horror
Emerged
In bright, luminous colors
A witch
Set a-flame
Found refuge
In the arms
Of a man
Who is
The karmic replica
Of Jesus Christ.

Catholic.

Image from goodcatholicgirls.com

I must teach you this
Religion, my love
Let's begin with the
Chapter on Solomon
How would a man respond
To a woman's wild instincts
Desires itching
Underneath her skin
I want to show you
That love between us
Is the only mission on earth
That it is holier to be my soul-mate
My friend and my lover
Than being a staunch catholic
With me, you will master
The theology of a kiss
How to capture my tongue
And chase it behind your lips
Let me convince you
That this body of mine
Is the only church
That will educate
The catechism of sense
What you will witness
When our altars collide
Is a trilogy of love, of life
And of lust
Perhaps, you do not know yet
The beatitudes of love-making
Come, I will show you
Let me baptize you
Spray my blessings over
Your fingers, your mouth
Your scent will excite me
Just trace my contours
Here, I will guide you
Give me your hands
Delve into each dent
Explore every corner
Body Braille me and
Drown with me in
A communion of love
Let me eat your body
Let me drink your wine
Let me hear you sing
Hymns of ecstasy
In our most precious names
May the breath
Of the loving spirit
Descend upon us then.
Amen.

Lover, let my poems
Be your daily verses
Let my testaments lead you
Like an archangel
Let me escort you
Into new frontiers
Into realism
Far beyond the chasms
Of spiritualism
I was born into this world
As a woman of great faith
My faith in your manhood
Supercedes any mustard seed
Let me help you unearth
The tombs of your sexuality
So deeply entrenched
Below the garden on your chest
Let me carve open, let me unleash
The passions asleep
Let me unclip the wings of a dove
Quivering between your thighs
Alas! You will discover
The truth and the wisdom
The essence of being
Truly human
O, sweet child of love
This holy sacrament
Most sacred of all
Was never made known
To staunch Catholics like you.

Sleepwalk.

Image from mentalfloss.com

I sleepwalk on a rainbow
And fell through an illusion
I thought I had landed
On a pot of gold.
The rainbow vanished
There was no Gold
Only wisp of colors
And more illusions.

You

If you were the shore
I would be the waves
Repetitively
Rushing to you
Bobbing, in cascading dances
I want to embrace you
With my loving foam
I want to mount you when the tides are high
Under Ms. Luna's bright smile
I'll drag you
And all the grains of sand
Into the ocean

Wait for me
I will come rushing
Even when the tides are low
And Ms. Luna is sad
You'll see
In moments like these
Even the rocks
Would understand my plight
My constant strife with them
As I clash and run to you

If you count the number of times
I run to you, then turning my back
But realizing my folly
I would run to you again
You will know
That even if all the heartbeats
And nerve pulses
Of the entire human race
Were strung together
Nothing can compare
To the hundreds of ways
I would come and go
Withdraw and dash
Chasing myself
Over and over again
Eternally crashing
Into your sands
If only to touch you
Embrace you
Hold you
My shore.

* waves rushing to shore.